Marion Philippe
English 8
Mr. Salsich
03-26-10
Forgive Me:
An Essay About Forgiveness
TS: One must be able to forget one’s action and pass over a hurdle to be able to forgive. CM: Sometimes it is onerous to forgive, but ‘everything happens for a reason’ (apt thesaurus word). CM: For example, one can be abusing others because of their childhood, or one can make mistakes without realizing what they are doing is wrong. CS: All in all, for us to stop hating each other, we must be able to forgive.
TS: Forgiving a person is one of the most arduous actions anyone can do, but we must first look into their past to see what they have been through (apt thesaurus word). SD: In To Kill a Mockingbird, Bob Ewell, a man with many angry words inside him, many bad habits, many feelings of hatred towards blacks, is a deleterious man (tricolon). CM: He deliberately attacked the Finch family, Tom Robinson and his own daughter Mayella. CM: However, I learned that he acted this way because when he was a child, he was abused, making it easier for me to forgive him. SD: In similar fashion, Mayella is also hurting other people. CM: Since Mr. Ewell is hurting her, she is being controlled by him, making her do whatever he wants. CM: For example, she had been lying to the people of Maycomb and to herself by saying that Tom Robinson, a black man, had raped her. SD: When she came up to the witness stand during the trial, she looked afraid. CM: She seemed confused and occasionally glanced at her father as if she was looking to see if he agreed with her testament. CM: It was easier to understand why she acted this way; she would get abused again if she didn’t follow her father’s order. CS: Mayella and Bob Ewell have shown why forgiveness is one of the most precious actions anyone can do.
TS: As we learned how to forgive some of the characters in To Kill a Mockingbird, I have to learn how to forgive people and myself. SD: For instance, three years ago my mom told me that we had to move from Michigan to Connecticut which seemed as if I could not forgive her at the time. CM: I had built an incredible life; my friends, my basketball teammates, my teachers were all part of it, but I had to let go and move on. CM: I was exasperated, but I forgave my mom, which was one my wisest decisions because I am living life to the fullest here (apt thesaurus word). SD: In the past I have learned how to forgive, but most importantly, I have learned how to be forgiven. CM: Over the years, many valuable gifts have been given to me; however, since I tend to lose things, I had to be forgiven many times. CM: I learned that losing gifts was one things but lying was another. SD: Lastly, when I was a kid, my curiosity got the best of me, got me into big trouble, got me to lie, which I had later to be forgiven for (tricolon). CM: Once while dad was helping my sister with her homework, I went into my parent’s room and started combing my hair with a special comb that had amazed me since my childhood; however, it got stuck in my hair. CM: I had to cut my hair so the comb would come out, but when my mom found out, I blamed it on my sister, making me get into deeper trouble; I was later forgiven but was ashamed. CS: From my experiences, I have learned how to forgive and how to be forgiven although it hurt others and myself.
TS: Everyone forgives differently. CM: One can forgive by looking into someone’s past or one can forgive for no reason. CM: In the end, we learn that it is not always feasible and that sometimes it is the best thing that we could have done (apt thesaurus word). CS: All in all, we must be able to forgive to move on with our lives.
Self Assessment Essay 18:
-The hardest part of this essay was to make myself clear in my first body paragraph and also to write my introductory and concluding paragraph. I had good ideas but it was hard for me to make my sentences flow and also to translate my ideas to the readers.
-I think that I changed some of the wording in my first body paragraph as well as the others so the sentences would flow and be clearer. Some unnecessary words were also taken out.
-I liked my tricolons and also my apt thesaurus words for many reasons. First of all, I thought they were put in the right spot and also weaved well into the sentences.
-I think that I could’ve improved on making my sentences and ideas clearer so the reader would understand easier.
1. In the third sentence of the introductory paragraph, there should be a paragraph before "or" because the "or" acts as a coordinating conjunction, joining two independent clauses.
ReplyDelete2. In the second sentence of the introductory paragraph, "unfathomable" means "difficult to understand." If you substitute that definition in the place of "unfathomable," the sentence reads "Sometimes it is difficult to understand to understand," so I think you should take out the "to understand." It might be possible to word it differently so that the meaning fits in the sentence nicely.
3. I think the second paragraph flows nicely and contributes to the idea of forgiveness, which ties up the essay like a present to the reader. Nice!
- In CM1, SD1 in BP1, you should add something about how he attacked the characters because of their affiliation with blacks, otherwise the CM isn't really connected to the SD.
ReplyDelete- CM2, SD1, BP1: I don't think it ever said he was abused as a kid. I may be wrong, but I would check.
- I love the coherence and unity in BP2! Keep up the good work! :D
I think that the beginning of the second body paragraph is a little ocward for the reader. Read it out loud yourself and you might see what I mean because I can't really discribe it in words. I just feel that there is a simpler and clearer way to say what you are trying to say.
ReplyDeleteSecond body paragraph, second supporting detail, second commentary, try not to start a sentence with a conjunction.
Good job connecting your two paragraphs together, it flows really well.