Thursday, September 17, 2009
TKAM Paragraph in Real Life
TS: In the first paragraph, I applied relationship to describe the first chapter of 'To Kill a Mockingbird' but now I am relating it to life in general. SD: My life has changed because as I made new relationships, new beginnings started. CM: Even though beginnings are sometimes shaky, we try to stay steady so we can stay on track. CM: For example, an author always starts and finishes a book but it feels like we, humans, always write the first chapter but never finish. SD: "There are good ships and there are wood ships that may sail the sea, but the best ships are friendships who may always be," (Unknown). CM: This quote makes me feel that the true friendships that last the longest are the ones who have a true meaning. CM: As we think of the endless meanings of this quote, we sometimes get caught and can never get out, but if a friend is there, what will happen? SD: Finally, relationships can make you feel however you want. CM: At first, some relationships can seem long, short but never right. CM: There are as much problems as you can think of, but do they matter? Is it worth fighting? CS: In spite of all the problems or the great memories of relationships, what would we do without them?
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I like the clauses you used through-out your first paragraph.
ReplyDeleteOn CM 1 under SD 1, you need either a comma before "so", or you could say "so that"; otherwise, it's a run-on sentence.
ReplyDeleteThe last CM in this paragraph should be "Are they worth fighting?" because you're talking about problems in the plural.
ReplyDeleteYour topic sentence is a little shacky because the rest of the paragraph is not about how you applied relationships in to the first chapter in "To kill a mockingbird".
ReplyDeleteI like the transitions you used between supporting details and commentaries. They make the paragraph smooth.
ReplyDeleteYour CM in the first paragraph about authors write books was unclear to me. I would add, remove, or change words to make it more understandable. Pretend you are an average reader who doesn't know what you are talking about. Make it clear to yourself.
ReplyDeleteI like your conluding sentence. Two sentences before the CS, it starts with "At first...", you need a comma after short.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you used the, "Good ships, wood ships," rhyming quote. It gave the paragraph a little bit of poetry which made it sound pretty.
ReplyDelete