Essay 23: Final Draft

Marion Philippe

English 8

Mr. Salsich

05-18-10

This I Believe:

An Essay on My Beliefs

TS: In a lifetime, people will have many beliefs. CM: Some believe in peace or equality while others believe in courage, but everybody has their reasons. CM: For example, when we are in an unimaginable situation, we believe that our courage will get us out. CS: Although everybody believes in different things, I have two profound beliefs that will always be with me.

TS: Over the years I have learned how to believe in many things, but my most important beliefs are love and hope. SD: Love, which I have been receiving and giving over the years, is the most stupendous feeling in the world (apt thesaurus word). CM: Since the day I was born, my family has been here to love me through the mistakes I make, through great achievements, through unforgettable memories (tricolon). CM: They have given me and taught me what any human being should experience in a lifetime. SD: In similar fashion, when a miserable, unimaginable event has happened to us, we automatically give up, giving us a taste of our shame, making us be in a darksome place, scaring every inch of sunlight away (loose sentence). CM: In this case, hope- hope that the sunlight will come back and wake you up so you realize that there is always an escape route. CM: Sometime the escape route will not always seem visible, but keep hoping until the route becomes clearer. SD: Nevertheless, there are times when hope is lost, but rather than looking at the ground look at the stars. CM: For instance, I once saw a lacrosse game where a team was losing three to nothing by halftime. CM: After five minutes of lecturing, the team came back with high spirits, enthusiastic attitudes and full of hope to later win the game seven to three. CS: Sometimes to be loved or to have hope is hard, but “learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for tomorrow,” (Albert Einstein).

TS: Deep down, we all believe in something. CM: Some believe that it is easier to pass a hurdle when we are loved. CM: Meanwhile, others believe that hope puts the ray of sunlight into a miserable situation. CS: All in all, we can never predict what anyone believes in because "man can believe the impossible, but can never believe the improbable," (Oscar Wilde).

Self Assessment Essay 23:

-The hardest part of this essay was my opening and concluding paragraph. At first my sentences didn’t seem to flow, and I didn’t really enjoy how they sounded. However, after editing, I erased some words, added a few transition words and even put a quote in.

-I think that I took out some weeds, and I thought that I improved some of my sentences. I had a lot of extra words like “as”, “will”, and “get”.

- I thought that my body paragraph was the best part of this essay. I thought that I got my message across and that my special effects weaved well into the paragraph.

-I think that I could’ve of improved on my opening and concluding paragraph. I didn’t really know which sentence should go where, but with some editing, it felt as if my sentences were exactly where they needed to be.