Essay 22: Second Draft For Grading

Marion Philippe

English 8

Mr. Salsich

05-10-10

Born Beautiful:

An Essay About the Beauty in Ugly Things

TS: We must never look into the grotesque side of things because everything ‘happens for a reason’. CM: Sometimes we get an unattractive gift and instantly look into the dark side of its beauty. CM: There might also be times when we get into a situation that seems unbearable, but we try to make the best of it. CS: All in all, everything is where it belongs, and “nothing [is] ugly just because the world [says] so.”

TS: In the poem “A Valentine for Ernest Man”, the poet Naomi Shihab Nye apprises a story about a man that gives his wife two skunks for a valentine and thinks that "nothing [is] ugly just because the world [says] so,”(apt thesaurus word, bell word). SD: The wife begins to cry, but the man “couldn’t understand why she was crying." CM: She wonders why a man that has loved her and known her all of these years gave her two odious animals for a valentine (apt thesaurus word). CM: She tries to put herself in his shoes but cannot because “he was a serious man.” SD: The man, on the other hand, doesn’t care what anyone thinks because “he reinvented [the skunks] as valentines and they became beautiful.” CM: He didn’t look at the ugly side of the skunks, but he gazed into their eyes and found another universe in them. CM: The man looked for beauty and he looked until he lost himself in the sincerity of the eyes and he looked until he found the perfect gift for his wife (purposeful repetition). CS: The man has never seen an ugly person or object in his life because he, as anybody else in the world, doesn’t know what the definition of ugly is.

TS: Like the man who believes that “nothing [is] ugly just because the world [says] so,” in the poem “A Valentine for Ernest Man” I, too, believe the same thing. SD: Thunder to some people is dangerous and boisterous, but to me it is the beauty of nature (apt thesaurus word). CM: The lighting rod strikes the earth, and the raucous noise booms out, calming me and relaxing me. CM: Although the noise sometimes gets overwhelming, I “[reinvent]” it to become something more peaceful and more beautiful and more soothing than it actually is (purposeful repetition). SD: Not only does the thunder enlighten me, but the little droplets of water that come with it also do. CM: When it rains, my inner crazy self wants to come out and jump into the puddles or play outside until my clothes become my second skin. CM: The darksome, somber sky puts the ray of sunshine into my day. SD: Lastly, when I was younger, my family and I had to move from France to the U.S. CM: It seemed that my days ahead would be unbearable because of all the changes. CM: Instead of looking into the negative side, I looked into the positive side, and my life has been prodigious ever since (apt thesaurus word). CS: The most distasteful things in life are the most beautiful inside.

TS: Every animal, human, natural happening all have their place in this world. CM: A rainy cloudy day can put a smile or a frown on someone’s face. CM: On the other hand, a valuable but yet outlandish gift can make someone have happy tears or tears of sorrow. CS: In the end, "The greatest treasures are those invisible to the eye but found by the heart,"

(author unknown).

Self Assessment Essay 22:

-The hardest part of this essay was coming up with good, unique examples of what I think is beautiful. I sometimes look at the ugly side of things, but after I read the poem, I realized that nothing is ugly and that sometimes the most unattractive things are the light in my day.

-I think that I tried to take out all of the weeds, extra words, and I also think that I made my sentences less choppy and more fluid. At first all the extra words made my sentences seem long and uneventful. After a little editing, I took out words and my sentences were more fluid and more interesting.

-I liked all of my purposeful repetition and my apt thesaurus word. I thought that my purposeful repetition enhanced my writing, which is what it should do. Also, I find my apt thesaurus words really interesting, and I thought they fit really well into my sentences.

-I think that I could’ve used more quotes in my second body paragraph, but I tried to minimize the amount because it didn’t seem that any of the quotes would fit into the paragraph.