Thursday, October 15, 2009

Essay 5: Final Draft

Marion Philippe

English 8

Mr. Salsich

10-14-09

Boo!:

An Essay on the Meaning of Privacy in To Kill a Mockingbird

#1: As the world turns, our problems always come with it. #2: We always try to keep them to ourselves no matter what. #3: Somewhat, it seems as if everybody always come snooping around, but we always find a way to hide from them. #4: In chapter five of To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee writes about the importance of privacy.

TS: In pages 62-66, Harper Lee shows us that as long as Scout, Jem and Dill mind their own business, the more they will have their privacy. SD: It all started when the ‘three musketeers’ wanted to post a note on Boo Radley’s place, which caused a conflict between Atticus and them. CM: When they went down to Boo Radley‘s house, they got the surprise of their life, Atticus. CM: They got lectured for, “putting [Boo Radleys] life’s history on display for the edification of the neighborhood,” (Lee,65). SD: Secondly, privacy wasn’t just a theme, but it was also part of the characters live’s in the book. CM: For example, it seemed that the more the kids needed privacy, the less they had it (Antithesis). CM: Every day they played Boo Radley, their made up game, the more they had to hide it from the grown ups. SD: Lastly, if the kids can learn that if you let someone have their privacy, then maybe they will let you have yours. CM: “What Mr. Radley did was his own business,” (Lee,65) which means that they understood that no matter how curious you are, you have to respect the person's privacy. CM: Furthermore, they have learned and hopefully will not disturb anyone else, even if one of them heard a wicked laugh from the basement. CS: During this experience, the kids apprehended another life lesson.

TS: Privacy is not only written in To Kill a Mockingbird, but it is also written in my life. SD: When we hear the word privacy, we usually think of it's dramatic action or meaning; however, to me it means that when somebody doesn’t want a secret to be revealed, it should be kept that way. CM: There might be some drama or harsh words over it, but it is worth keeping it ‘under the radar’. CM: If it can't 'stay under the radar', it will be your choice to see how you handle it because it is your privacy. SD: When you have a secret, it feels as if people always want to take it from you. CM: Paranoia comes over you, like a cloud coming over the sun (app. closer). CM: Your secret, your privacy, has been taken from you and it feels like a part of you is missing. SD: However, privacy is a good entity up to a point where you have to act. CM: Sometimes hiding yourself from others when in deep trouble will just make the matter worse, which will lead to who knows what. CM: When you feel that a person is there to support you, it will feel much better. CS: Privacy can be hurtful to some or helpful to others, but to me it is comfort.

#1: Privacy is very important. #2: If there wasn‘t any privacy, we wouldn‘t have anything to ourselves. #3: If we knew every detail about each other, would we respect each other? Would we look at each other the same way we do now? #4: No matter what, privacy should always be a part of us; it makes us who we are.

4 comments:

  1. 1. In BP 1 SD 3 CM 1, I don't think you should not say "it doesn't matter" because you just said "matter," and you didn't explain why it didn't matter.
    2. In BP 1 CS, I don't think you should say "came out" because it doesn't fit. You could say something like "learned" or "apprehended."
    3. You have a good conclusion paragraph. It sums up the essay well.

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  2. In your TS in BP1 "there" should be "their"

    I think you should change your BP1 topic sentence because it doesn't seem to fit the paragraph

    I love your antithesis

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  3. Marion, I would consider combining these two sentences:
    "SD: When we hear the word privacy, we usually think of it as a dramatic action or word. CM: To me, it means that when somebody doesn’t want a secret to be revealed, it should be kept that way."
    Combining sentences like these is one of the easiest and best ways to improve writing. If you combined them, the result would be a smooth and clear SD. (Then, of course, you would need to add another CM.)

    GOOD LUCK!

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  4. Your fist ts is unclear to me because of the quote placement and wording

    Your first sd in your second paragraph is a little confusing, try making it ""a" word"

    Your antithesis is very clear and well done. Good Job

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